Monday, February 18, 2013


Guantanamo Baywatch: Lemmy-approved surf music.


Who are you wearing?

A jean jacket with burrito stuff on the front and a banana hammock.

If you were a car, what kind of car would you be?

El Camino. One of the old ones with cadi fins and green sparkle bass boat paint.

Best house party ever played?

First place: House of Preblon, PDX OR, couple days before Halloween. Wearing a Jurassic Park dilophosaurus mask. Not enough room for the band at all and Chev and me are playing most of the show with our backs to the audience cuz we were getting pushed into the drum set in the corner of the room.

Second place: my 26th birthday show. Chev and Chris bought me a bottle of habanero vodka that I drank myself. We were the last band, and I played half a song before I blacked out and couldn't play. Had a blind kissing contest for a wooden watch, and out of the ten people, only one was a girl. Winner was the girl and Christian from Mean Jeans.

How real is Portlandia?

I hate talking about that shit cuz the show sucks, but people are always like, "Oh, you're saying that cuz you can't take a joke and you live there". No. I fucking hate Portland. I love the idea of a show making fun of Portland. The show just sucks, just like SNL. By the time mainstream culture starts making fun of something, that thing they are making fun of has been over for a while. Like mullets or something. By the time they're making fun of mullets on Two and a Half Men, that shit hasn't been funny for hella long. Show would have been funny if I wrote it. Three years ago.

Who looks the best in slow motion?

Kevin Durant.

Describe your perfect day at the beach.

Wake up, Dayquil, two Excedrin migraines,, sexy babe on custom chopper swoops me up in my apartment, jump on back with my hand up her daisy dukes, hit the Taco Bell for cheesy gordita crunch picnic supplies, liquor store for Malibu, pineapple/mango juice and coconut milk, catch rays, Dayquil, hand jammer behind the port-o-potty, home in time to play da show, demolition man is cued up on the Netflix.

Best thing about Portland?


What do you really think about the bands on Dirtnap?

Kinda funny, I knew nothing about Dirtnap except that Mean Jeans were on it until I had handed the final mastered tracks to Ken and he wasn't calling us back. People I knew were like, "Dirtnap, that's pretty awesome," and I was like, I have no idea what this is about. I just knew that Ken was a rad dude who was nice enough to put up with our dumb ass shit. I was in my living room on Youtube and was like, I wonder what these other bands are like. I was really surprised cuz it's mostly what I think of as pop punk stuff. I was like, there is no way Ken is going to like the tracks we just sent him cuz it's way lower fi than the stuff I was hearing, and I liked the tracks we made, and I don't want to change them. He dug it though. Got to see Mind Spiders and Bad Sports at SXSW when we were playin' there this year. It was cool. We play with Mean Jeans all the time. They are retarded.

Would you rather play a show with Dick Dale or the Ventures?

Probably the Ventures (in the 60's, in Japan). I've seen Dick Dale live a couple times. It was hilarious, he's a total shithead. There were all these serious bikers with their old ladies and they were getting into fights with these hipster kids and the bouncers. It was pretty awesome. Saw him play an acoustic set with his son here too. That was terrible.

Who has the best bikini body in the band?

None of us do. We are all covered in terrible STDs that are only more inflamed by direct sunlight.


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