Monday, February 18, 2013

INTERVIEW WITH WARREN OF THE ABIGAILS

The Abigails: You'll want to elope with them.

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Who are you?

AHH, THE ETERNAL QUESTION. WHO ARE YOU? I WAS RECENTLY ACCUSED BY THIS GIRL I WAS DATING OF SNEAKING THROUGH HER CELL PHONE. AFTER THE ACCUSATION I RAISED MY VOICE AND ASKED, "WHO DO YOU THINK I AM?!?" SHE DIDN'T RESPOND AND WE DON'T FUCK ANYMORE, SO I'D SAY THAT I'M NOBODY BUT JUST AS I WAS TYPING THIS SHE WALKED INTO MY WORK TO SAY HI. HUMAN NATURE IS SO GROSS. LIFE IS WEIRD.

Who are you wearing?

SOME DUDE'S SHIRT I STOLE FROM THAT GIRL'S HOUSE I WAS JUST TALKIN' ABOUT, FUCK IT, HER NAME'S COOTIE, HOW COOL IS THAT!! AND SHE NEVER MADE ME PULL OUT!! AHHH, ANYWAY, BACK TO THE QUESTION...BLOODY JEANS & A JAMES PAYNE JACKET. I GET MY SOCKS FROM THE 99 CENT STORE & THROW THEM AWAY AFTER EACH USE. I'VE ALWAYS HAD A PROBLEM WITH REALLY BAD FOOT ODOR, IT SUCKS. I STARTED FREE-BALLIN IT WHEN I WAS LIKE 13. I STOLE A PAIR OF UNDERWEAR FROM FISH (HE PLAYS SLIDE) CAUSE MY JEANS EXPLODE A LOT AND IF I DIDN'T STEAL HIS SHIT MY BALLS WOULD HANG OUT. HE STEALS ALL MY CLOTHES & IT'S PART OF THE REASON I WEAR THE SAME THING EVERYDAY. WHATEVER THOUGH, HE LETS ME LIVE AT HIS HOUSE FOR FREE. SHAYDA (DRUMS) LIVES THERE TOO & SHAYDA'S COOL CAUSE IF SHE FUCKS UP WHEN WE PLAY AND I DON'T YELL AT HER, SHE SHOWS ME HER TITS WHEN WE GET HOME. SHE HAS THOSE COOL "ARTSY" TITS. SORRY I GOT OFF SUBJECT, I JUST TOOK SOME NORCOS & I DONT HAVE ANYONE TO TALK TO.

Any good Country Teasers trivia?

I TRIED TO CHEAT ON THIS ONE...MY FRIEND WAS IN THE BACK OF MY WORK & SHE'S GONE ON TOUR WITH THE COUNTRY TEASERS BEFORE. I DON'T KNOW HOW SHE GOT HOOKED UP WITH THEM, I GUESS SHE KINDA JUST KNOWS EVERYONE & IS SUPER RAD, SO WHATEVER...BUT I WANNA BE FRIENDS WITH THE REBEL!! I SAW THEM PLAY MAYBE SEVEN YEARS AGO? AT THE SMELL. YOU COULD DRINK & SMOKE POT AND SHIT AT THE SMELL BACK THEN AND IT WAS SUPER FUN. IT'S STILL A GREAT PLACE, DON'T GET ME WRONG, BUT YEAH, BACK THEN IT WAS FUN GETTIN' A COUPLE MAD DOGS AND THRASHIN' AROUND. WHEN THEY PLAYED THERE I WAS LIKE TOO STONED AND RETARDEDLY DRUNK ON VODKA. THEY PLAYED LAST AND INSTED OF LINE CHECKING OR WHATEVER, ALL I REMEMBER THEM DOING WAS A REALLY LONG, ANNOYING SOUND CHECK. WHATEVER, AT LEAST I CAN SAY I SAW THEM. I WANNA FIND OUT WHO RECORDED "DESTROY ALL HUMAN LIFE" & TRY AND RECORD OUR NEXT ALBUM WITH THAT PERSON. I MEAN, I LIKE MOST ALL OF THEIR SHIT, BUT I THINK BEN WALLERS' RECORDED A LOT OF THE OTHER SHIT & I DON'T REALLY SEE US FLYIN' OVER TO SCOTLAND ANYTIME SOON. WELL, MAYBE I COULD, I'M ON UNEMPLOYMENT & THINK I HAVE A COUPLE $5,000 SONGS UP MY SLEEVE. ANYWAY, THE COUNTRY TEASERS ARE REALLY INTO LATE PINK FLOYD SHIT, LIKE THE DIVISION BELL, WHICH IS WEIRD, BUT COOL. BEN WALLERS ALSO REPRESENTS HIMSELF WITH A SYMBOL HE CALLS THE "SPAKENKRUEZ", WHICH IS A SWASTICA WITH A BROKEN ARM. I CURRENTLY HAVE A BROKEN HAND, IT SUCKS.

Who is your Nancy Sinatra?

WHEN I WAS YOUNGER I DATED THIS GIRL FOR LIKE FOUR YEARS AND SHE GOT THIS TATTOO OF NANCY SINATRA & I GOT ONE OF LEE HAZLEWOOD. WE WERE PRETTY HIP, THIS SHIT WAS LIKE SIX YEARS AGO. SHE ENDED UP TURNING INTO A FULL BLOWN JUNKIE. I DUNNO, MAYBE SHE'S ON THE SUBOXONE TRIP NOW, LIVING WITH HER MOM & RETARDED GANGSTER SISTER OR SOMETHING. I KNOW THE ANSWER I WANNA SAY (SEE ABOVE), BUT I'M GOING ON A DATE TONIGHT WITH THIS SUPER RAD, SUPER HOT CHICK & I'M HOPING THINGS GO GOOD & IF THEY DO THEN SHE'LL PROBABLY COME ACROSS THIS INTERVIEW AS WE WILL START DOING ALL SORTS OF THINGS TOGETHER, FALL MADLY IN LOVE & HAVE SEX ALL OVER HER SWEET APARTMENT!

If Satan were in your band, what would he play?

DUDE, WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? SATAN IS IN OUR BAND!! HE PLAYS EVERYTHING, SPENDS ALL THE MONEY WE MAKE, LIES ABOUT HOW MANY MEMBERS ARE IN THE BAND SO THAT WE GET EXTRA DRINK TICKETS, YELLS AT KYLE FOR GIVING HIS FRIENDS RECORDS, MAKES SHAYDA SHOW HIM HER TITS.

Favorite four letter word?

CUSP.

Meanest thing somebody told you after a show?

I HAVE A REALLY BAD MEMORY, I MEAN, I KNOW EVERYONE SAYS LIKE, "DUDE, I HAVE THE HARDEST TIME WITH NAMES...", BUT THIS IS DIFFERENT, I MEAN, I'VE BEEN BLACKING OUT MULTIPLE TIMES, IF NOT ALL NIGHTS OF THE WEEK FOR LIKE 12 YEARS & WHEN I WAS DATING THE NANCY SINATRA/JUNKIE CHICK WE HAD ALL THESE SKETCHY DOCTORS WE WOULD GO TO AND I WAS GETTING LIKE 120 XAN-BARS A MONTH & A BOTTLE OF CODIENE SYRUP EVERY TWO WEEKS AND SOO MANY LORACETS, LORTABS, VICODIN & NORCOS, IT WAS INSANE. I EVENTUALLY HAD TO KICK, IT WAS FINE. WELL, GETTING OFF XANAX IS BRUTAL. I'M NOT CERTAIN IF YOU'RE FAMILIAR WITH WHAT I HAVE COINED, "THE FEAR". THINK OF BEING THE MOST HUNG OVER YOU'VE EVER BEEN, LIKE YOU CANT EVEN LOOK AT SOMEONE, YOU CAN'T EVEN FATHOM LIFE. THAT'S "THE FEAR". AND, WELL, GETTING OFF XANAX GIVES YOU WHAT I LIKE TO CALL "LIFE FEAR". YOU'RE JUST COMPLETELY FUCKED, LIKE, SOO ANXIETY RIDDEN THAT YOU STUMBLE. I DON'T REMEMBER WHERE I WAS GOING WITH THIS. . .

If the Abigails were a burger, what kind would it be?

C'MON MAN, A FUCKIN BIG OL' MOTHER FUCKIN WESTERN CHEESEBURGER!! WITH FRIES AND ONION RINGS AND CURLY FRIES IN THERE!! WE GO TO THIS RESTURAUNT EVERY SATURDAY CALLED YE RUSTIC INN. IT'S DOWN THE STREET FROM OUR HOUSE, IT'S SUPER RAD, WELL, KINDA DOUCHY, BUT WE MAKE IT RAD & HAVE THIS WAITRESS NAMED VERONICA THAT WE REALLY LIKE. SHE'S PRETTY HOT & SHE GAVE ME A HUG WHEN I LEFT LAST TIME. SHE'S FROM AUSTRALIA & AUSTRALIANS KNOW HOW TO TIP 'EM BACK, I'M HOPING IN THE NEAR FUTURE WE START LISTENING TO KYLIE MINOGUE TOGETHER AND DOING BEER BONGS. I'VE GOTTEN A COUPLE BLOW JOBS IN THAT BATHROOM & I REALLY LIKE GOING DOWN ON CHICKS, HOW RAD WOULD IT BE TO GET YR RED WINGS AT YE RUSTIC!! DUUUDEE!!

Best place to elope to?

SHIT, I'VE NEVER REALLY BAILED LIKE THAT BEFORE, BUT DOESNT IT SOUND FUN!?! AND IF YOU'RE ASKING IN REGARDS TO GETTING MARRIED, I LOVE THE IDEA OF MARRIAGE!! I'M SUCH A HOPELESS ROMANTIC, IT'S RETARDED!! I DON'T KNOW HOW I FEEL ABOUT ASTROLOGY, IN FACT, I DON'T HAVE MUCH OF AN OPINION ON ANYTHING. WHEN I WAS A TEENAGER I SMOKED A LOT OF METH AND WOULD STAY UP FOR WEEKS. IT WAS SUPER MENTAL. YOU PSYCHO ANALYZE LIFE AND YOU EVENTUALLY REALIZE THAT ANY IDEA, ANY POINT, FUCK, ANYTHING EVER IS COMPLETELY VALID. HA, OR NOT VALID FOR THAT POINT! YA KNOW, IT'S LIKE, YOU CAN'T BE INSIDE SOMEONE ELSE'S MIND, WHO ARE YOU TO REALLY SAY WHAT SOMEONE ELSE KNOWS, HOW THEY FEEL. IT'S JUST AN ASSUMPTION BASED OFF THE EXPERIENCES YOU'VE HAD. FUCK, I'VE HUFFED TOO MUCH COMPUTER CLEANER AND DONE TOO MUCH ECSTASY IN MY LIFE TO PROPERLY ARTICULATE THIS SHIT ANYMORE. ANYWAY, THE ASTROLGY THING...THE GIRL I'M GOING OUT WITH TONIGHT WAS BORN THE DAY BEFORE ME & GUESS WHAT DAY THAT WAS?? FUCKIN LEAP YEAR MOTHERFUCKERS!! HOW COOL IS THAT, I MEAN, THAT'S LIKE THE COOLEST BIRTHDAY EVER. I DUNNO, WE CELEBRATE OUR BIRTHDAYS ON THE SAME DAY MOST OF THE YEARS & I'M HOPING WE UNDERSTAND EACHOTHER ON SOME SUPER COSMIC PLANE. I'M SOOO SENSITIVE & SOO SELF DESTRUCTIVE & I HOPE THAT SHE ISN'T, BUT KINDA LIKE UNDERSTANDS ME IN THIS WAY THAT NOBODY ELSE DOES!

Message to the kids?

MAIL YOUR DRUNKLE WARREN POST CARDS, THEY'RE MY FAVE!! THE CLUNGE: 1182 COMMONWEALTH LOS ANGELES, CA 90026

Listen to The Abigails here:

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Links:

The Abigails on Facebook

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