And while you read this highbrow piece of literature, why don't you put some music in your ears with OUR (and all the bands) gift TO you: a 40+ SONG FREE COMPILATION WITH ALL YOUR FAVORITE BANDS!
Today, we present:
Worst Gift You Ever Got?
Tony LoFi of One Chord Progression/The Recordettes/Cudzoo & The Faggettes - I don't think I really ever received a bad gift, but I have a bad Xmas holiday memory to share (it's not really a memory, since I don't remember it but someone told me so it counts, right?) At my mom's house, there's a picture of me, as a baby, dressed as Santa Claus (with Santa's hat, coat and huge black boots too big for me). And the story of that picture is my mom brought me to the mall one day, in the Christmas season, dressed me as a Santa, and let me parade around in the mall. The thing is, I just started walking, so I wasn't that good at it (still not an expert) and since I was wearing boots way too big for me, I kept falling down. And my mom thought it was hilarious. So, yeah....
Anna Anabolic of One Chord Progression/The Recordettes/Party Lights - I really can’t say I ever got a bad gift. If someone goes out of their way to get me something, that is super sweet. Fashion-wise, if someone gets you something that you think is hideous, keep it for a bunch of years and check it out again. You will probably think it’s cool, but maybe just in an ironic way.
Cudzoo & The Faggettes - Herpes or a book on juice cleansing.
Kim Fowley - Social diseases from 1967-1972.
Jenny Dee & The Dee-Linquents - Perfume. I hate perfume, it makes me dizzy.
Michael of Bradley Dean & The Terminals/Quitty & The Donts - A runaway hamster.
Micheal Chandler of The Lost Crusaders - I don't know that there is such a thing as a "bad gift," unless the giver didn't put any thought or care into it. The dumbest things I ever received, someone had to think of what I might enjoy and took the time to get it and to see that I got it.
George Tabb - Well, there was one time my father bought me a lawnmower. But I wrote about that in my first book, "Playing Right Field: A Jew Grows In Greenwich" out now! Other than that, I once got a gym membership to a weightlifting place where everyone was 20 million times stronger than me, and called me a pussy the second I walked in the door. When they found out who I was, and that I was something called a "Jew", they kicked me out the door, but not before asking to see my antlers.
Warren of The Abigails - My Grandma gave me a yellow flashlight one year. I think I was 12 and wasn't really into flashlights.
Palmyra Delran - A box of 300 Avery Notebook Hole Reinforcers (it was a stocking stuffer, but still...)
Evan from Muck & The Mires - Any gift over 50 pounds that required lifting.
King Salami & The Cumberland III - Chicken pox.
Bill of Little Seizures - A rent controlled apartment.
Alex White of White Mystery - A hammer shaped like a high heeled shoe. Thanks Granny!
JB of The Living Kills - DVD of Love Actually.
Mr. Lee from Dead Flowers Productions - A weekend in Central Booking.
Greg Cartwright of Reigning Sound - Huey Lewis LP.
Dave of The Recordettes/Party Lights/Sin Destroyers - Tightey whiteys, tube socks.
Dean Rispler of Drug Front Records - Let me preface these answers by letting y'all know that I was raised Jewish. And now that I am very active in the nihilist world of Satanism, some of these questions may be a bit skewed. Despite my absolute goal of destroying all that is Judeo-Christian on earth, I still absolutely LOVE Christmas. I don't know what it is. I am color blind - especially with red and green. So for me it's the most
psychedelic holiday ever! Plus I really dig the European idea of Krampus. Have you ever seen a Krampus parade? Fucking awesome! It's very metal. I honestly can't remember the really bad gifts. I wish I could. Since I have many ex-girlfriends, I know one of their moms bought me something terrible. Like some shirt or clothing that I would never wear. Speaking of ex-girlfriend's moms, my dear friend Joanne's mom, Ronnie (aka Veronica), would meticulously wrap up household items like a box of tissues, paper towels, toilet paper, toothpaste and brushes, etc. and give it to Joanne, her brother John and me on Christmas day. These weren't terrible gifts at all. It was actually stuff our poor post-collegiate asses could use. I just found it extremely hilarious that Ronnie would spend time wrapping a package of toilet paper so nicely. And, also to her defense, she did give us all other cool gifts. And Christmas with her family was the first Christmas for me as a somewhat cognitive adult. It kinda ruled.
George M. Jackson of Naked Heroes - I actually got coal in my stocking one year when I was a kid.
Bobby Hussy of The Hussy - A t-shirt that I already owned in the wrong size from a "friend" who saw me wear the same exact t-shirt the last time we hung out.
Heather Hussy of The Hussy - A stationary set.
Peter Santa Maria of Jukebox Zeros - The "Hey, here's some crappy food with no booze where you have to hang out with people you can barely stand during a normal work day instead of receiving an actual holiday bonus gift" work holiday party.
Stephane Plante of Kid Sentiment - Yellow Tank Top (Couldn't find anything to fit with this!)
Stephane Courval of Le Chelsea Beat - An ugly grey x-large turtle neck from Sears from my wife's step-mom (every year between 1993 and 1996).
Joe Belock of Three Chord Monte (WFMU) - It's the thought that counts! So then they are all good! (Trying to be more positive for 2013!)
Dwight Weeks of Bamboo Kids - After I quit drinking, my bro-in-law gave me a gigantic bottle of amazing whiskey.
Jim Chandler of Twin Guns - Pleated, khaki slacks from my mother.
Andrea Sicco of Twin Guns - Many. Too many to remember...usually strange patterned socks or piece of clothing. This was before the time that I especially requested "cash only".
Sacha Chernoff of The Recordettes - Very thin, rough polyester
(blanket?/ground cover?) entirely covered with extremely scary cat faces in alternating patterns and a homemade "treasure chest" musical jewelry box covered with the same scary cats and gold glitter.
Rebecca Seung of Get Bent - My mom used to ask me what I wanted every year, buy the shitty version at a dollar store, and then put 20 bucks at the bottom of my stocking and tell me I could buy it myself.
Al Huckabee of 1-800-Band - A rented drum.
Polly Watson of 1-800-Band - A bib pajamas when I was seven years old and clearly not a baby who should wear a bib.
Jimmy Quinn of Light Bulb Alley - a MC Hammer CD. But that was bad in a good way!
Clermont Ferrand of Les Sans-Culottes - That would be an acid wash jean jacket. Or anything ready to wear. Not in itself terrible but not correct for the always fashionable Clermont Ferrand-Mellencamp.
Shouting Thomas of The Torments - My first electric guitar when I was 9 - an old cheap crazy Univox model that I wish I still had. It's the best because it started me on that glorious rock & roll noise path...it's the worst because from the first day I plugged it in I was CONSTANTLY hollered at to TURN IT DOWN by the folks. When that failed, out came the groundings... then the beatings. Ahhhhhhh - Rock & Roll.
Chris DiPinto of Creem Circus - People always give me guitar shaped things…pillows, ties, can openers. You want to get me something in the shape of a guitar…how about that guitar shaped swimming pool in the inside cover of "Slow Hand"?
Fred Shankar of Sultan Bathery - Christmas-themed underwear.
Gio of Sultan Bathery - White socks from some aunt.
Teo of Sultan Bathery - Ventilator.
Devon Dunsmoor of Kiss Kiss Bang Bang - I can find a use for anything. I’m easily amused. Give me a hotel shower cap & I’ll be happy!
Laura Carlucci of Kiss Kiss Bang Bang - Pink Snuggie.
John Carlucci of Kiss Kiss Bang Bang - A Chia Pet. I mean, really??? Nothing says I know nothing about you nor do I care, better than a Chia pet!
Kenny Wessel of Kiss Kiss Bang Bang - A girl gave me a broken thrift store toaster once!
Rikki Styxx of Kiss Kiss Bang Bang - My husband got me a spice rack a few years back & I haven’t opened it once. Huum? Guess I’m not a cook. Maybe he was trying to tell me something?
Seb Paquin of Buddy McNeil & The Magic Mirrors - A bad shizzel.
Izi Laterreur of Buddy McNeil & The Magic Mirrors - A gold plastic pot filled with fake flowers and a fake foam bird on top. Yes, that was from my EX-boyfriend.
Alexis Roberge of Buddy McNeil & The Magic Mirrors - My guitar playing.
Eric Davidson of Livids/New Bomb Turks - A yeast infection, via a fruitcake.
Maxime Chiasson of Ponctuation - A used Christmas Card from Grandpa. (He cuts out the old wishes and writes "Joyeux Noël").
Jim Diamond - I remember getting a sport coat when I was 7 or 8. Who wants a sport coat at that age?
Betsy of Sugar Stems - "Touched By An Angel" oversized pajama shirt (Sorry, Grandma!). My sister Jenny also got one so we were matching, it was pretty awesome. I would say they were the worst/best gifts ever because we still laugh about them today.
Drew of Sugar Stems - Nuts, hate them.
Steph of Sugar Stems - My husband got me a set of Packer overalls for Christmas once. I love overalls and I love the Packers - it should have been a winning combination, but they were hideous and they were exchanged for a sweet Rodgers t-shirt.
Jon of Sugar Stems - My Stepmom, who must have hated me at the time, bought me an oversized puffy neon pink, neon blue and neon purple winter coat when I was 8 or 9. Pink was the main color with blue and purple accents. Needless to say I never wore it.
Michael Lynch of Michael Lynch Band/The Brimstones/Palmyra Delran Band - I couldn't tell you. As in, it was so bad I couldn't even tell what it was. Sent from a listener of the radio show I did in college. Appreciated the thought, though...I think. Wish I still had whatever it was so I could take one more look and make one more guess.
Buffi Aguero of Subsonics/Tiger! Tiger! - A necktie made out of bread wrappers. It didn't match any of my shirts made of bread wrappers.
Clay of Subsonics - Four sticks of dynamite wired up to some kind of battery pack. It looked good under the tree, though.
Karen of Dear Hearts - Oh man! One year I got this really awful…oh wait, I got that from Nicotina. Nevermind. Socks are a great present, I don’t care what anybody says.
Nicotina of Dear Hearts - What’s the name of that thing I got, um?
Karen of Dear Hearts - What?
Nicotina of Dear Hearts - Um…Chickenpox!
Karen of Dear Hears - Who gave you chickenpox?
Nicotina of Dear Hearts - I dunno. There are worse gifts though.
Karen of Dear Hearts - Like what?
Nicotina of Dear Hearts - That Prefab Sprout album…Steve McQueen, I think it’s called.
Karen of Dear Hearts - Yikes.
Nicotina of Dear Hearts - Also, one of those elastic things with the cherries to do your hair with?
Karen of Dear Hearts - Oh those rubberband things for little girls’ hair? Who gave you that.
Nicotina of Dear Hearts - My mom’s friend gave it to me, she’s crazy. She’s dead now, so it’s ok. What’s yours?
Karen of Dear Hearts - I don’t really have one.
Nicotina of Dear Hearts - You wanna borrow one of mine? Well, no, just wait until you see what you get this Christmas.
Karen of Dear Hearts - Uh-oh.
Brian Hurd of Daddy Long Legs - When I was a kid, it was socks...now I would love some new socks.
Joan Chew of Party Lights - Six Geese A Laying.
Don't forget your FREE compilation!
Cudzoo & The Faggettes, Kim Fowley, Jenny Dee & The Dee-linquents, Bradley Dean & The Terminals, The Lost Crusaders, George Tabb, The Abigails, Palmyra Delran, Muck & The Mires, King Salami & The Cumberland III, Little Seizures, White Mystery, The Living Kills, Reigning Sound, Party Lights, The Recordettes, Drug Front Records, Naked Heroes, The Hussy, Jukebox Zeros, Kid Sentiment, Three Chord Monte, The Bamboo Kids, Twin Guns, Get Bent, Le Chelsea Beat, 1-800-Band, Light Bulb Alley, Les Sans-Culottes, The Torments,Creem Circus, Sultan Bathery, Kiss Kiss Bang Bang,Buddy McNeil & The Magic Mirrors, Livids,Ponctuation, Jim Diamond, Sugar Stems, Michael Lynch,Subsonics, Dear Hearts, Daddy Long Legs