Monday, April 29, 2013


Youtbitch: Weird tiny mustaches.

Where are you?

Knee deep in prolonged adolescence.

Best song and why: ''Perfect Youth'' by Pointed Sticks or ''Queen Bitch'' by David Bowie?

"Perfect Youth," because out of the two, it sounds more like "Stay With Me" by the Dictators.

What is wrong with the youth of today?

Lack of upstanding Republican leadership. Overall lack of moral/dietary fiber. Weird tiny mustaches.

Best hot dog topping?

Sauerkraut, raw onion, brown mustard, Adderall.

What makes you lose your mind?

Almost everything. The pot of coffee I drank today is no. 1 at the moment.

When is Youthbitch going to be making a cameo on Portlandia?

After we open Jimmy Feedbagz, which is going to end up Portland's number one retro-themed feedbag food cart and make us all notable thousandaires. Then we'll have the public appeal.

What is Portand's best kept secret?

Voodoo Doughnuts are made with the same stuff they use at Fred Meyer. Do they have Fred Meyer on the east coast?

If Youthbitch were a dance move, how would you do it?

Bite your lower lip and gyrate your shoulders in half time listening to a warped copy of "I'm A Rocker" by the Raspberries until there's beer.

What is the most delinquent thing you've ever done?

Dropped out of high school to join a rock n' roll band. Which took a few years, but at one point I had my switchblade confiscated by the police.

What's the best advice you ever got?

Hard to say. "Don't take any wooden nickels," or "Sometimes it's best to walk away," or "Live the dream," or "Don't do that to yourself."

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